This is me at open mics

Shit comedians are still better than okay songwriters. Just saying.

Comedy and life advice from the great Bill Burr

Graham: In the couple of years after graduation, what did you do to get into the business?

Bill: Stand-up, it was always stand-up. I had a day job, I was living at home with my parents. I paid off all of my credit cards. I had an old truck, and I debated getting a new one, and I decided instead I just had to rip the power train out and put a new engine and transmission in. I remember this woman at work, she was all excited I was going to buy a new car and I told her that I just had the engine replaced, and she just made this face and goes like, “that was stupid.” I was embarrassed when she said it because she was beautiful, and if you are a true man and a beautiful woman says what you just did was stupid, you immediately want to undo it. I realized very quickly that what I did was not stupid. If you have a dream, one of the things other than the drive and the passion and the mental strength as life keeps slapping you down on the ground to not only get up but to get up and go even harder, one of the major things is you have to keep your expenses low. If an opportunity comes you can just get up and leave. I continued to work my day job for a year in Boston, and at that point I was making money as a comedian. And I was making more money than I had ever made, and I didn’t have a car payment. I paid off my student loans, I paid everything off. I just banked money because I knew I was moving to New York. I saved up 10 grand, I had never had more than 300$ in the bank. I was making 17, 18 grand a year and I was able to save about 10 grand of that.

(...)

Graham: As a final question, if you could give one piece of advice to a student at Georgetown who wants to go into comedy, what would it be?

Bill:I would just sit down, I would write five minutes of stuff that I think is funny, and I would sign up for an open mic, and when they call your name, go up on stage and see what happens. And then, don’t judge yourself, your first 15-20 shows it’s not about how it’s going, but it’s about do you have the nerve to go up there when they call your name. After you’ve done it 15-20 times, you can start to gauge things like “am I the person who just keeps the mic in the mic stand or do I take it out and walk around?” Just start the journey, and then once you become a comedian, be a positive force in the world of stand-up. Encourage other people, don’t steal jokes, don’t be an asshole … being a good person is a major part of it."

 
This 2016 interview with Bill Burr, here. Still packs a punch.

In a parallel universe

Spectre could have had the best Bond theme ever, if they hadn't said no to this masterpiece, courtesy of Radiohead.

When Fisk goes Trumpian

An Evening with the Philosopher

Is there an illness common to all of us, something not even medicine can tackle - a sort of incurable, long episode of Love Island?
"Perhaps," said the Philosopher. "But I would rather submit myself to the mysteries of waterboarding than watch an episode of that. You want to challenge me intellectually? Bring me an episode of the Jeremy Kyle Show."

We gathered around the Philosopher every evening, attempting to emulate his almost divine wisdom. Instead, we would end up digesting cheap Aldi wine and wondering why we didn't choose paint stripper instead, as it would have tasted the same. We mostly looked at memes and released drunk farts, whilst the Philosopher described his views on life and occasionally picked his nose in the most serene manner.

"I don't like discussion, especially arguing, as I think argument is an exercise in ignorance. How can someone prove whether they are right or wrong? Opinions are immaterial as we can't prove them scientifically... so what we can discuss are the morals behind each idea  or person. Which is better, Jabba the Hutt or Chewbacca? Corbyn or May? Obi-Wan or Palpatine? A pointless exercise, although I must point out the DUP is to Theresa May what Jar Jar Binks was to Darth Sidious."

We looked at each other silently and heard a rattling noise in one of the bushes nearby as we sat around the fire. I got up to check if it was some sort of wild animal only to find it was nothing as dangerous but merely Hansel, one of our loyal students, masturbating.

"Politics bore me. Unlike Hannibal Lecter, I have very little interest in seasoned politicians," said the Philosopher.

"So what interests you, honorable Philosopher?" I asked. He paused for a second and looked at me with sweet eyes, sweeter than those of a prostitute from Prague who is about to mug you at knifepoint.

"We have been questioning ourselves since the dawn of time: is there life after death? This is something many religions have attempted to answer, and in my view failed. Because perhaps the foolishness lies not in the answer but the question itself. Do we need life after death? Do we need a perpetual cycle of tiny Donald Trump hands sexually assaulting us? Perhaps we don't. But there is a sort of life after death. Or have you not witnessed the faces of these celebrities after a plastic surgery? These people, who clearly belong more in the set of The Walking Dead than on Celebrity Big Brother prove that."

"Life after death is no mystery. A mystery is who the hell is writing the lyrics to Nicki Minaj's songs, these deep and thoughtful poems, chronicle to the life of this somehow famous singer whose butt looks like a road roller. In a  sense, it gives hope to all of us who are intellectually challenged, I suppose."

From Australia with love

When I have people coming around nowadays

Thank you Spike Jonze.

"And she shows you where to look among the garbage and the flowers"

"Being in a band is like having a conversation with someone, but with other people watching or listening to the recording. You need to have something new and honest to say, so the conversation is stimulating and interesting and revealing. Nobody wants to have the same conversation twice, and it certainly probably wouldn’t be interesting to hear or see from the outside. Once you resolve something, you have to find something new. Or else you’re just a character repeating a script like a long running theater production. I’m not as self destructive as I was then, I know too much, I’ve been through too much since the last one, a lot of the poison is gone, but there’s still some in there. I just have to dig and scrape around a bit harder to get to it. "

Dillinger Escape Plan's Greg Puciato, here.

Mastery comes at a price

Not Another Terminator Movie - aka the Terminator Genisys review

 

Imagine a universe where the promoters of The Sixth Sense and The Usual Suspects put these films' respective plot twists in the trailer. That would be pretty stupid, right?
Right?
So the Terminator Genisys crew goes and does that. Oh well.

'Come with me if you want to live'
 

It's not terrible. It's good. And it's bad. Confused? Same here.
Of the non-James Cameron Terminator movies, it's probably the best, but still not good enough.
It can't decide on what it wants to be, and that might be its biggest failure.

Endless nods to the original Terminator and Judgement Day are found here, if only to be noticed by the hardcore fans - those new to the franchise will be lost. But then even the fans will be confused at the many changes, twists, turns, timelines crammed in to try to make the movie interesting - making it in fact more annoying than mind-bending.

'Show more than tell'

If I could suggest an alternative title for Genisys, it would be The Terminator Monologues. Some screenwriting basics: characters explaining stuff is not as good as characters doing stuff. Because that's what happens most of the film. Kyle Reese explains stuff. Sarah Connor explains stuff. John Connor explains stuff. Arnie explains stuff. And there's action in between the explaining of stuff. But much of this stuff isn't really worth explaining. And no one cares about this stuff anyway.

'Bite me'

Perhaps the strongest point of Terminator Genisys is the attempt to recover some of the humor present in Judgement Day and the silly one-liners only Arnie can deliver. Emilia Clarke brings some good energy to the role of Sarah Connor, only for Jai Courtney to show less emotion than a Terminator.

Strong Points

• The action scenes are good, even if sometimes hugely unrealistic
•  Plenty of good ideas - John Connor and Matt Smith's characters - but executed poorly
• Bringing back some humor that was missing from the franchise
• Emilia Clarke and Arnie on top form

Weak Points

• Too many callbacks to the James Cameron Terminators
• Excessive monologues: can we see stuff happening instead of stuff being said? Please?
• Jai Courtney's acting is borderline comatose
• The dialogue becomes very cheesy, in particular towards the end of the movie
• 'Killer app' - whaaaat? 
• Jason Clarke: what a waste of a good actor

Verdict

Apart from some good action scenes and funny moments, the film is nothing more than a mishmash of old ideas presented in a new packaging that adds little and confuses more the Terminator mythos. One more Terminator film like this and you may well find yourself rooting for Skynet.

Author's Note

Perhaps the most interesting and overlooked part of the movie is Arnie's Terminator mention of a time where he worked in construction. Can we see that spin-off please?

'T-800 the Builder' would be a great watch.

Hey, thanks for helping me with this procrastination business, Netflix.

Get ready for the real Kingpin

Daredevil

The best thing Marvel has done yet in the MCU. Period.

I knew Charlie Cox was very good in Boardwalk Empire (a totally underrated show) and Vincent D'Onofrio, well, he's been one of my favourite actors since I watched Stanley Kubrick's 'Full Metal Jacket' back in 2006. 

Not so much of a surprise then that D'Onofrio delivers the greatest Marvel villain yet (sorry Tom Hiddleston and Loki), living out a Wilson Fisk that is a fiery, ferocious child monster that makes us empathize with and fear him all at once. Like all the great villains do.

A word of advice Marvel: stop killing off your villains, you'll have none left soon.

PS: Malekith, Ronan the Accuser and even Thanos are soulless villains. Learn from Wilson Fisk and get better. If you don't treat them like a true character but a mere obstacle to the hero(es), no one gives a shit about them.

This show is - surprise! - good.

Fringe

A criminally ignored sci-fi. Like the remake of Battlestar Galactica (a masterpiece, go watch it), this is a meticulous, well-thought show (Apart from some bits of seasons 4 and 5 which seemed to be all over the place).

It starts out like a CSI-meets-X-Files and turns out to be a very complex and rewarding experience, with so much detail you should probably not miss a single episode (unless, of course, you have a life, since some of the earlier seasons amount to about 22 episodes. Ouch!)

Plus, John Noble's performance over five seasons was criminally ignored, of course, because it's science-fiction we're talking about.

Remember Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner, Sigourney Weaver in Aliens or Michael Biehn in The Abyss? That is the company in which John Noble's interpretation of Walter Bishop should be.

If there is justice, this will be recognized as one of the greatest sci-fi shows ever made.

Supermensch

Do you know Shep Gordon? No? Ask yourself why, because the guy is a genius.

We tend to associate genius with art or science - meet the genius of management.

The documentary, directed by Mike Myers, shows how Gordon has single-handedly, among other things:

1. Created the character of Alice Cooper, got him off drugs and alcohol and turned the guy into a global superstar in the process;
2. Turns the unknown Anne Murray into a star by having her take a picture with John Lennon and the Hollywood Vampires;
3. Faced with Alice Cooper's unknown status in England, has a truck with a picture of a naked Alice posing with a boa constrictor break down in the middle of London. The media coverage resulting in - ta-da - Wembley selling out;
4. Creates the figure of the superstar chef.

Really good documentary about a genuine nice guy.